One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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