How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
