I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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