I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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