You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
