Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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