Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
