take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Use "feeling words"
Yay
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
