Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
