In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
