We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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