Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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