We need to rekindle our bromance
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
