Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
