he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
