I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
