I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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