If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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