summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
