did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
