Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
