I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
