That's when you crack a 10am beer
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize