Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
