Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Terrible idea I love it
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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