dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize