if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize