i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
