How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
