woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize