her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
