all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
