Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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