i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
