Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
There are leaves in my underwear?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
