ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
