Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
