Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
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