Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
