found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
