Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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