someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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