i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
