FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
