Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
