I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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