who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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