I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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