Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
