I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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