So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
