idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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