Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Everclear isn't food dammit
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
