we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
