Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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