Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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