I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
