I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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