I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize