Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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