If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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