Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
