Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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