my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
