Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
