dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
