Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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