We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
