i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
