he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
