My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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