Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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