I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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