everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
