She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
