I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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