you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
