I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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