I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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