She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
