What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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