I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
