Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
