Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i dont even know how to be here
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
