she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize