I think my fart just growled at me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
