if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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