What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
