You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize