he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize