first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
We have started to decorate penises.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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