The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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